It's all smoke and Mirrors
by Early-Winter
Summary: Loosing someone you love is always hard, and often, you feel you can’t let go…But what if it’s the other way round? What if those who have died can’t let go of you? My first Outsiders Fic. Infact, my first fic all together. Please read and reveiw!
1. Chapter 1

**PONYBOYS POV**

All I could think of was how much I didn't want to be there. I sat staring at my new sneakers, not looking at the guy behind the desk and not answering his stupid questions. The social services had me going to about a hundred psychoanalysts, and all of them wanted me to talk about Johnny and Dally and how it made me feel, which I thought was pretty insensitive and stupid, because obviously I was real down about and re-living those few days just got me even more blue.

I kicked off my sneakers in the doorway and sneaked into the house quietly. I wasn't feeling too hot and I didn't really want to have to face Two-Bit and Steve. I mean, Two-bit's nice and all and he means well, but I just wasn't up for woofin around with them. I felt down. I'd been talking to the councillor about Johnny and to be honest, I was so exhausted from it all I just wanted to go to bed or watch the tube for a bit.

It had been about five months since it all kicked off and I still wasn't in very good shape. I kept having nightmares and screaming in the night, just about waking the whole neighbourhood up. Poor Sodapop hadn't slept properly for ages either, since I usually woke him up with my thrashing around and yelling.

"Hey honey, calm down." He'd mutter, stroking back my hair like a kid. My hair had grown back to it's usual colour, the stupid bleach finally gone, the last reminder of my time in Windrixville, obliterated. Now all I had was memories, and I sure had a lot of them.

I crept into the front room and looked around, the lights were off and I figured Darry and Soda were still at work…but I still thought I could sense someone in the room. I took up the nearest thing to hand, an old broken broom handle that Darry kept by the door…just in case.

"Soda?" I called, edging along the room, my back to the wall. "Darry? You there?"

My eyes sort of adjusted to the dim light of the room and I swear I saw a figure, hunched in the new lazy boy Darry had got from some guy at work. I could hear the slow intake of breath and could see the orange light of a cigarette but the smoke smelt like bonfires and scorched grass, not tobacco.

"Hey!" I yelled, reaching for the light switch and flicking it on, praying this guy wasn't a nut job or a burglar. Maybe it was one of the gang come to lie low after a scrap. Hell, maybe it was Curly Shepherd come to hide from the fuzz after he'd robbed another drug store, it wouldn't be the first time. But when the bulb fizzed into life and flooded the room with light, there wasn't anybody there.

"Hello?" I called again. Boy I was scared, I could have sworn somebody had been there. I had smelt the smoke for Christ's sake. I sniffed the air tentatively and realised with a start that the smell had gone along with the mystery figure.

I bolted to the kitchen and got myself a pepsi from the fridge, my hands shaking as I lit up a cigarette, trying to calm myself down. I tried to think rationally as a puffed at my cigarette, reducing it down to a stub in record time. I fiddled with the packet, about to light up another when I heard the front door rattle. I grabbed up the stick again and peered out the of the kitchen door, relieved to see Sodapop yawning in the front room.

"Hiya Pony!" he grinned, always in highspirits.

"Geez Soda, ya scared the hell outta me." I replied, exhaling shakily.

"Glory Ponyboy, your white." He muttered, reaching out a hand and touching my forehead. His familiar scent of car oil and pepsi calmed me down as he hugged me tight. "What's up?" he asked, pushing my long fringe out of my eyes so he could get a good look at me.

"Nothin'." I lied, pulling away from him reluctantly and grabbing my pepsi. He and Darry had been fussing over me something terrible just recently, I kind wondered if maybe they think the whole Windrixville thing had unhinged me, I even had the social services sending me to a shrink!

I figured Soda must have given up questioning me and gone to watch the tube 'cause I heard the T.V start up and some kinda quiz show come blaring out. But when I turned around to see, he was still stood right next to me.

"What the….?" I heard him mutter, his deep eyes looking at the TV in confusion. "Must be a faulty connection…." He muttered, rolling his eyes at me and our poor run down house and walking over, cool as you like to see why it had just turned itself on. I felt myself shaking, I guess I'd just read too many horror stories.

"There we go." Soda grinned waving some sort of wire at me. "Cable'd come loose, that's all." He bent back over the Tv and I watched him until he pulled away. "There, good as new."

"Yeah, meant to tell you about that."

I whipped round to find out who'd spoken, only to be confronted by a huge grin and side-burns just as big.

"Two-bit! Glory, what're you doing here?"

"I was in the bathroom kidd-o, I was on my way to come and pick you up from the shrink. It go okay? You don't look so good…." He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck worriedly.

"I'm fine, a little tired…what time is it? I might hit the hay early." I didn't wait for an answer before high-tailing it into the bedroom. I caught sight of myself in the mirror, and heck, I _did _look rough. I guess I was a little shook up…I'd been so certain someone had been in the lounge….It was like a ghost or spirit or _something. _

Or maybe I was just crazy, like everyone else seemed to think.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks Mel49, ohremy, Fosterchild and NittanyLizard for your reviews! It's always great to get some feedback, I'm glad you enjoyed chapter one.

* * *

Chapter two; 

It's just the nicotine that's coming over me  
Or is it anything more than a smoke screen  
Cause I feel like you've been living a lie  
You're looking better than  
Than you ever did  
And nothing's better than  
Than you once said  
I've been waiting but I've been losing my  
Losing my mind  
- Even Better Yet, by the Format.

* * *

**Pony's POV**

All I know is that there's fire all around me and I'm screaming like hell, trying to get away from the flames. But something, some_one_ is holding me back. I can see this big old door, and think _if I can just get to it, everything will be okay, everyone will be alive on the other side. Mom, dad, Dally…Johnny._

But just as I reach out for the handle, something pulls my arm and I look round and there's Johnny, all burnt looking holding onto me, his big dark eyes all wide and desperate, and as I look into them, he's shouting _'There's so much I ain't done! Sixteen years just ain't enough."_

"Hey Pony, shh, come on honey, it's just a dream."

"Johnny let go! We've gotta get out! Everything's burning!" I scream, but he's not letting go, just shaking his head and looking real doleful.

"It's too late Pony." He said, in barely more than a whisper, which sounded oddly clear over the crashing and hissing of the flames,

"Ponyboy! Quit yelling, it's okay…"

My head and heart were pounding, I had to get out, I couldn't breath! The acrid smell of burning was filling my nostrils and my throat was stinging, I was dying.

"_It's too late Pony, but there's so much I ain't done"_

"Pone!! Snap out of it"

Everything went black, and for a moment, I actually thought I was dead. My body felt weird, It was like I was floating or something.

"_It's gonna be okay Pony, we're gonna be fine"_ Johnny kept saying, over and over, his voice getting all panicky.

But suddenly, I could feel two strong hands on my shoulders and I was tugged back to reality. I opened my eyes and blinked _hard. _Darry was still shaking me and Sodapop was looking real anxious at the end of my bed.

"Johnny…?" I managed to croak, making the pair of them look even more freaked out.

"No, Pony, it's just a dream little buddy…." Darry said calmly. His voice sounded hazy and distant.

"I'm okay…." I murmured, struggling to sit up, Darry's fingernails were kinda digging in as he held onto me, he was always rough without meaning to be, I guess that's just how he is. Like Soda can laugh at nearly anything even when he shouldn't and like Two-Bit shoots his mouth off without thinking…like I never use my head.

After that, I pretended to go back to sleep, but honestly, I couldn't. I was just so het up. All I wanted was a cigarette, but Darry had made me cut down over the last couple of months. He said it was cause he wanted me to make track team again the semester, but I know really it's cause we had the state on our back, making sure Darry looked after us okay, especially after what happened with Johnny…

Soda's POV

Glory, Pony sure did get worked up.

He had another one of his nightmares last night, he yelled so much I was sure the whole neighbourhood could hear, but everyone's got problems round these parts and no one called the Fuzz. That's all we need, the state thinking we're beating Ponyboy up or something, on top of everything else.

But the thing is, Pony beats _himself_ up, about _everything_. And what I hate most is that he says he's fine. I ain't stupid.

Darry reckons he just doesn't want to worry us any. But he does. I damn nearly fell asleep at work today, I was laid down on back underneath this huge white SUV, cleaning her up and all, when I just sorta blacked out or something. I guess I must have just dozed off cause next thing I know, Steve's hollering at me and dragging me out by my ankles. Boy, some crazy stuff sure does happen to me.

* * *

Ooc; kay, so just a random filler chapter, I'm just trying to set the scene & yes, I know I suck at soda… 


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry about the wait. Exams officially suck.  
Thanks so much Greaser4life for helping me out with the American Slang. :P

It's really appreciated.

* * *

And all the cigarettes are getting better yet  
I just can't forget all the other shit  
I know you're back to me, that's just fine  
But you can't sleep, you're leaning next to me  
Saying everything, saying everything  
That you would do if you could just open your eyes  
Well, open your eyes

-Even Better Yet by The Format.

* * *

**Ponyboy's POV**

I cut school again today. It's been five months, but everyone still stares. The socy guys in the football team hiss 'grease' at me as I walk past, and all the girls reckon I must be a regular JD 'cause I was caught up in a murder rap and all.

I was walking home on my lonesome and smoking a cigarette, scuffing my sneakers on the asphalt. I was supposed to meet Two Bit in the parking lot at school and get a ride home, but I figured cause I hadn't actually _been _at school that day, I'd better just walk it in case one of my teachers saw me and got wise. I'd just pretend to Darry that I forgot. He's be bound to believe me, cause just lately I've been awful forgetful. But, I couldn't forget about Windrixville, I couldn't forget how after everything, Dallas had died gallant, just like Johnny said.

I'd spent the day at the library. I'm a fast reader and I must have gotten through three books at least. At first, I picked up an old copy of 'Gone with the Wind', but as I turned the pages, I caught a whiff of cigarette smoke and burning and I thought, I couldn't ever read that book again, but I _had _to. It was like Johnny was trapped in the pages, and I could somehow bring him back. I kept imagining him, all dressed like a Southern gentleman, his big black eyes shining as he rode off into the sun-set. Boy howdy, I have an active imagination. I mean, I guess I am imagining everything, but, I swear I could smell the pungent scent of a Kool being lit up, and the shadow of a small, dark boy skulking around the corner of the bookshelf.

Glory, I keep seeing Johnny all over. But I guess I'm just so desperate for him to come back, my mind's playing tricks on me.

'_There's so much I ain't done.'_

I wondered blindly if Johnny had ever been in the library. Such a normal, every day thing.

_But had he?_

_Had he?_

It was all just too late, for him…for me. He wanted me to stay gold, didn't he? But how could i? A greaser, a JD, a 'victim of society'. It didn't matter what grade I made or how fast I could run, because in the end I was always gonna be a Greaser. To the bone. At least Johnny had escaped that, a lifetime of prejudice, second rate stuff, gang fights and being jumped. I used to pretend to be proud of being a Greaser, now I feign indifference, but really, I hate it. How can I be proud of being poor and rough?

But if greasers didn't have their pride, they didn't have nothing.

I hadn't eaten all day and I was feeling kinda dizzy as I loned it home. The pavement was all blurry as I looked down at my moving feet, and my head ached real bad. I glanced at my watch and took another pull on my cigarette. 4 o'clock, good, I'd be home in time for dinner and I could make it look like I just came from school.

"Ponyboy! Where the hell have you been!" Darry yelled, coming out from the kitchen. He crossed his arms and looked at me, oddly.

_Go ahead Darry, explode. _

_C'mon._

_Go crazy._

"Why weren't you at school today?" he said, his tone softening and the hard lines of his shoulders drooping.

"I was." I lied, throwing my book bag down and kicking off my sneakers. He looked at me, real suspicious, his green eyes narrowed.

"Then why d'your principle call and tell me you weren't?" he said. Shoot, so I skip one day of classes and the world stops turning.

"I guess I wasn't." I muttered, picking up my bag and walking to my room, I hated the way he was looking at me, all concerned. I didn't need him worry about me all the time, that's why I never tell him _anything. _Not about what happened in Windrixville, not about what happened last week when Gary and some of his Socy buddies cornered me round the back of the bleachers, not about seeing Johnny. I was sick of people worrying about me. Call me immature, I don't care.


End file.
